Waking

Watching people in line
waiting
it's early
the world slowly unfolds
into morning

Hardly a smiling face
stupor
it's early
eyes adjusting to day
taking it in

And those who look happy
shining
out of place
others frown in envy
much too early

TGIF?

I guess I'm happy it's Friday. Being relatively unemployed with a part time job that has hours all over the place, aids in not knowing what day of the week it is! Currently, I'm listening to a group out of Sweden called Lizette&. Have been following them for a couple of years now. The music is quite unique, some rock leading towards industrial. The lead and group founder, Lizette von Panajott is a very talented and creative artist. I am glad to have met her acquaintance on line. She is a cool chick! :)
Check out the band's site (2 new and VERY unique musicians just joined the group): http://www.lizetteand.com/
So after a couple of days of being depressed and feeling like my life was really going nowhere - I have picked myself back up! YEAH! I have decided to stop looking for a full time hospitality job and refresh my culinary skills over the next few months. Food has always been my passion - even childhood memories that are clearest to me, have something to do with me and food. I'll still hang on to my part time job and am applying to Second Career - a government organization that pays tuition for people who have been laid off and are looking to study a "second career" in order to help them to get back into the work force. It is a great program and would help me immensely, as I couldn't pay for the course otherwise. So I am carving a new path for myself - pardon the pun! It's a bit scary, as I'm no longer a young grad. I have adult responsibilities, payments and money I need to save for my old age. But I am truly excited about this opportunity. I am hoping to have my own business in a couple of years...private catering maybe...something where I can be unique and creative, please people and stay exclusive. I want to do whatever the hell I want to do and have people pay money and enjoy it! I'd love to meet Gordon Ramsey one day - maybe even get a chance to work with him. There are many other things I want to do, and courses I'd like to take in order to reach my goals. After all, there's nothing really stopping me, except myself, right? Have a great weekend guys and check out my YouTube site:http://www.youtube.com/user/itsthebean

Today's thoughts....

It's been a while....a long while..I've been spending most of my "spare" time vlogging on youtube. It's fun and this way people can see my beautiful face! - ha! But alas, I do enjoy writing so that is why I'm back here today. I'm feeling kinda sluggish this morning. Not sure why - could be the muggy weather outside and the fact that even the sun is hiding. I'm off to a friend's for a "girls' lunch" - out on the back deck with some ol' high school buddies. I offered to bring appetizers - but had no time to make anything last night so I thought I'd go to the grocers and by something pre-fab this morning. But as I was draggin' my ass this morning...then I thought about what food items I did have at home and managed to conger up some baby shrimp and red pepper spread! It tastes really good! So I made some mini-sandwiches with the spread and some arugula. Hope the girls will like it! Now, I'm off in a frenzy to buy a confirmation present for another girlfriend's daughter. The event is tomorrow morning. So I'm off to the jewellers in search of a necklace with something like a butterfly pendant. Hope to find something not too expensive, yet elegant looking! Not too sure what time I'm getting home this evening...but I need to get some exercise in. Haven't had time to do any in a couple of days and I'm feeling very guilty! Ok, off I go! Peace xo

As I looked down at the river
Its muddiness raced past me
With thunderous sound
Full-force and purposeful

I almost wished the waters
To carry away my fears, my worries
Away with the currents to somewhere
Where I'd never see them again

I wanted my broken spirit to be cleansed
Cleared of all the pain and bitterness
To be set free again, living and roaring
Like that river in Spring.

Dream Wheels

Ok....it's only a dream...but WOW...take a look at this one. This is the Mercedes McLaren SLR Stirling Moss edition. A pure racing car. The design, the contours...this is a gorgeous, sexy car (even with the plaid upholstered seats).
If I won several million dollars...I might be tempted...but only if I could use it for what it was meant to do. Drive FAST. *sigh*. And then, I'd probably be too afraid to drive so fast....but hey, it's a dream....

Riots? Here in Toronto?

I feel compelled to share this story with you. When a client, whom I hardly know, and who, I have the feeling is a bit "sketchy", started to tell me about disaster coming to our city - I had to bite my tongue. I really just wanted to tell him that he was a loony toon. But hey, you never know. He seems to be quite a successful businessman, speaks many languages...So, what if I do just shrug it off, keep it to myself and then suddenly, what he told me would happen, did? Ahh, now you get it and so this is why I'm writing this. Apparently, at the Petro Canada station on Adelaide and Jarvis, there some new artwork. REVOLUTION in huge letters is drawn on one of the white fences that surrounds the station. And as my client mentioned, this word was what was written at the beginning of "Les Miserables"...and look what happened there. He had also witnessed the riots in L.A. years ago. He said that the feeling he felt there 2-3 weeks before the rioting, is exactly what he feels in Toronto today. He told me to prepare. He said, Remember the Black Out?, that was only 3 days, make sure you have enough bottled water and canned food in your house to last you 2 weeks". Maybe this has something to do with Gaza and the action starting up there. I don't know. But apparently, "it" will be coming to our city in 2-3 weeks time. He also mentioned that he has a generator with him, and that he can supply my business with power in case we lose it over that time. How generous of him, I guess. At least, I have a backup plan. So, part of me may be wanting to stock up on some extra water and canned tuna on my next grocery trip.

It's been 414 hours...

I lost my dad on October 20th. Today, we picked up his ashes from the funeral home. When the funeral director left the room, I hugged the velvet bag that held my dad's remains. I hugged them as if I was hugging him. My dad. My sunshine. The reality of it all was overwhelming. But he took his final trip home as he drove in the car he had bought my mom earlier this year. It was a gift to her. And now he is home. And that is what he would have wanted. I see him sometimes, I feel that he is near. I welcome his presence anytime. Before he passed, I asked him to come and visit me and mom. It was pure torture to see him die. Every breathe could have been his last. I kept repeating my goodbyes, telling him how much my mother and I loved him. And though we didn't want to let him go, we told him that he need not fight anymore. I remember telling him that we will get on alright. We couldn't be selfish. He was suffering and so weak. I can't believe that I will never hear his voice again. I feel like a part of me has been torn out. My mom has been so strong. I worry that one day she will just crash. She is on overdrive. I can't keep up with her. But everyone has their own way of grieving. It has been many years since we have lost someone close. I don't know what to expect. I don't know how to grieve. Tears fall randomly. Memories come to mind. I miss my dad so much. That's all I can say right now.

He's a stand up guy

I'm just listening to John McCain's speech - admitting to his defeat and acknowledging Obama as the next president of the United States. I'm not sure if he wrote the words himself or not, but, the words seemed very sincere. He seemed honorable and respectable. With hope, the future of America is in good hands. Bless.

I'm a bit nervous...

Maybe I shouldn't be. But on the eve of the U.S. Election, I am. The following statement is not based on any prejudice or stereotype whatsoever. What am I concerned about, you ask? Well, I believe that if Obama does not win the election, then the many black Americans will protest. Claiming racism. There will be many who will be disappointed. There may be a handful that will be angry, and then a few who may turn to violence as a result. I hope that I am wrong. If Obama wins, celebrations will take place, especially amongst the black community. And so it should. This would be ground breaking. It would be a huge break through that will pave the path for many others in the future, who would never think they would have a chance at the presidency. However, as we all know, and may have experienced....celebrations can lead to people going too far. I fear that if Americans select a black president, the extremists will come out. Those that feel that they are better then everyone else, those who will use the appointment of Obama as a reason to go out and seek revenge, in the name of all black Americans who have suffered in the past. Then on the opposite end, there may be white extremists who will be ready to take action should Obama be elected. There has already been a plot to kill Obama that was announced in the news. I am sure there are more that we have not heard about.
I hope for the best, whatever the outcome of the election is. I hope that Americans get the change they need and desire. I hope the future will be bright. I hope that regardless of who wins, people will keep their wits about them, do not harm to others and be peaceful. And on a last note, I wish we had such charismatic political candidates here in Canada!!!!