The C word

I think I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that the majority of people in long committed relationships are unhappy.
In today’s world, I find that people have become too independent. Independency is good, even important – however, no one really NEEDS anyone anymore. Let's face it, life isn't so bad when it's just you. You don't need to answer to anyone, worry about hurting someone's feelings, staying at work late, going out with friends. You do your own thing and that's that. Sure having someone around to snuggle with and have sex with from time to time is great. But from time to time. Having someone around more often, or living with someone is another story altogether. Nowadays it seems, that at the slightest hint of a problem arising in a relationship, one partner (or even both) run in opposite directions. Like I mentioned already, there is no "need" to have a significant other and it is easier to just walk away when the going starts to get a little rough. It takes a strong, committed couple with a mature love, to continue communicating through it all and agreeing to outside help if needed. A relationship that works for the long haul is an anomaly these days. We won't even talk about marriage, as it hardly has a sacred meaning anymore (I will be blogging on the M-word soon!). It definitely is an achievement when a couple stays together for years and can honestly say they are happy. And I believe that a successful relationship involves “work”. I know some friends would disagree on that term. But work doesn’t mean it needs to be grueling. The definition of work here is to “shape, form, proceed along a path or goal, to cultivate or influence”. Work can be very fulfilling, rewarding and fun. Heck, who wants to toil at a relationship day in and day out? Hell no! Relationships for the most part, chip away at your own freedom. Suddenly, when things get serious you need to schedule in time to spend with your partner. If you already have a busy lifestyle, this is really hard to do. It gives you less time to do your own thing – unless you don’t mind sharing your “own” thing with your partner. All relationships are fun in their beginning stages. Meeting, dating, discovering and having that excitement. The “honeymoon” phase. It is quite addictive. I was blessed with a partnership that had a long honeymoon phase. It was absolutely amazing. But that phase in mostly all cases, will come to an end. The outcome is a more mature love and deeper connection for some. For others, the party’s over. Once that “excitement” is gone, some people confuse this with no longer being in love. They feel the relationship is suddenly going downhill. Sometimes, this may be the case, but often times, it is merely going into another phase which should be embraced and cherished. You may still get those butterflies coming back from time to time, but it won’t be as frequent. You’ve heard of the term “Seven year itch”. This is exactly what I’m talking about. This is when the C word - Commitment - is a very bad word - something to fear. Granted, a relationship can get stale if it is not monitored by both individuals. People get bored. Routine sets in. Things get taken for granted. A relationship should always be evolving. There is always something new to discover. And what is even more important (and a personal lesson well learned) is not to lose your own individualism in a relationship. Don’t just leave yourself on the wayside. Do what you want to do, don’t rely on your partner for happiness, spend time with yourself and your friends. You’ll bring more value to the relationship by doing these things and by remaining true to yourself. You do have to know when to compromise. It is also important to stay strong and not take the easy way out. Stick together and try to overcome the obstacles that are bound to get in the way. It is life after all. Having a loving relationship that is based on respect, communication, trust (and a whole lot more) is a blessing. A relationship is like a dance. Sometimes fast, sometimes slow. One partner may forget the steps, the other is there to help him/her along. The music may change, other dancers may get in the way from time to time. The important thing to always remember is to take turns on who leads, practice makes (near to) perfect and never let each other go until the dance is done.